Florida has no virus lockdowns, no social justice riots, no Trump riots and no income tax. Things are so good here in Florida right now that it hurts.
That’s why it’s time to secede, just like Key West did in 1982. It is obvious that this is Florida’s destiny. And we’ll secede bi-lingually. ¡Ándale, ándale!
We won’t be unreasonable: the borders can be negotiated in return for a non-aggression pact (NAP). We need that NAP because we want to annex Cuba and the Bahamas, and we don’t want the rest of the planet interfering.
Instinctively, we all know it makes sense. The rest of the world makes fun of Florida, and in return, we think the rest of the world is crazy with their snow, their taxes, their cloudy days and beachless wastelands.
Let me be quite frank: we Floridians just want those non-Floridians to visit as tourists, hand over their money to us in exchange for a drink and some warm sun. Then go home to whatever imperfect non-Florida place they came from. No, we don’t care how you do things in Springfield or Canada.
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